Monday, November 3, 2014

" Loving Out Loud "

....this girl is fearless!

Usually coming up with a title for my blog posts is the easy part. This one not so much. I wrestled with several before deciding on “THE” one… pretty much because this post is a tiny example of how it feels to be inside my manic mind.. *Never still *Too many thoughts to fully process one at a time *My emotions start there and move down & outward *Liable to go off on a tangent at any given moment *and quite frankly pretty AWESOME…

I made a collage with these pictures of Maddie I seen this morning and felt overwhelmed ….
Overwhelmed with many emotions. It’s partly because it’s just that time of year for me ( Bi-Polar manic phase coming on with this weather change) and partly because I am always so taken back with just how awesome my Grandchildren really are .
Looking at the world through my grandchildren’s eyes is a blessing and a gift that I can’t thank God enough for every single day.

 All that imagination, creativity, energy, untainted trust and love is bundled up in such beautiful little packages that only my God can do. Watching & listening to them play can be more entertaining than you can imagine. Their laughter literally makes my heart feel warm and I can’t help but smile back when one of them smiles at me.

Loving them is like getting to Love my children all over again, but this time with freedom.
Freedom from the responsibility of raising them. Freedom from having to make the hard choices as parents we had to make every minute of every day. Freedom to have one on one moments with each of them without worrying about getting dinner cooked or preparing for school the next day.

God gave me 4 beautiful children to love & raise and I believe I did my job the best to my ability with what I had and I feel pretty good about it. The love I have for them is indescribable, but I believe they know because they’re the only ones who knows what my heart sounds like from the inside…..

I lived a large part of my life “living” for my children.  They’re all grown now, having children of their own. They are just now beginning to understand what it takes to be a parent. The things you have to sacrifice, give up and move away and forward from in order to raise those babies into happy healthy children.

........................... Now, at this phase in my life I’m “living” for Me.

At first glance that sounds really selfish… so I’ll explain. I take care of me so that the ME that everyone else gets is me at my best.

*My husband gets the best wife. I’m able to fulfill his needs and wants so that he doesn't even think of going elsewhere. He has a cook, a maid, laundry service, a therapist, a soft shoulder to lay on, a friend to laugh with, a fun travel companion.. it’s all here at home, and I’m happy to do it.

*My children get what they need from me as their only Parent. Unconditional love, meaning even though I don’t always agree with them and sometimes I can be unhappy with them, there’s nothing they will ever do that will make me stop loving them. Friends and others will come and go throughout their lives but Mom will always be here and I’m never more than a phone call away. I’ll always have tried & true advice for just about any situation, and it will always be their free will as to take it or not. I will always have their back. As long as they are doing their best and traveling a right path I will drop whatever and bring it. It meaning.. a ride, a second opinion, a shoulder to cry on, a pair of boxing gloves  ( kidding..not kidding )

*My family gets the best Sister, Daughter, ect… If it’s in my power I will be there for you. All you have to do is ask. Life’s too short for drama and distance and in our family that’s 2 things that are non-existent.

*My True Friends get the best of me also. I’ll always be there for you. If you have made me a part of and a priority in your life then you should know that I’m doing the same for you. Our time is precious to me and my only regret is that I never seem to have enough of it.

For my family & friends, I feel sad and a bit lost when time has slipped by and I realize that we have not seen each other for a time but I have to remind myself that Life happens and it’s not intentional. We all make room for what’s important to us. With that said, you’re very important to me and if you ever feel less than, then I need you to let me know that and I’ll do the same 

Funny, this Blog post actually started out as me writing down how that picture of my Granddaughter Maddie made me feel and it just kind of took off from there.
It made me feel happy, warm, reminiscent and love… lots & lots of love....

I’m grateful for each day that I continue to thrive here on this Earth and feel blessed with all that I have earned and been given. I look forward to making so many more memories with my Grandkids.

       My own memories of me & my Nanny are some of the most treasured things I own. Nothing outrageous or mind blowing. Nothing that I can take out of a wrapper and show you. The most precious ones, the ones that make me smile and giggle when I think about or talk about were never bought. It was Nanny spending her time and attention with me. Making me feel special, important and loved. I only hope that I leave such a legacy with my own Grandbabies.... God willing I will <3