Forgiveness........

A couple of months ago I had a friendship break down. I was hurt and irritated, so much so that I wasn’t able to just move on. I had sleepless nights, many long talks with other friends and family and even blogged about it. I think I had to mourn the loss of this friendship for a while before I could begin to move into the next phase, Forgiveness.
I realized I was going to have to forgive her in order to have peace with what had happened. I searched my soul, the internet and then the Bible… maybe I should have started with the Bible first J
Forgiving someone is a physical act involving your will, your feelings and your conscience. As a Christian your forgiveness is also motivated by God.
Colossians 3:13 – Be gentle and forbearing with one another and if one has a difference or complaint against another even as Christ forgave you, you must also do. Reading scripture like that can surely put things into perspective…. If God can & has forgiven me for things that I have done & said then who am I not to do the same for another human being?
Obviously there are varying degrees of pain & hurt where we find ourselves in the position of needing to forgive. We may find it a little easier to forgive someone for hurting our feelings rather than dish out the “I forgive you” to someone that has removed our trust in them.
Whatever the reason, when you find yourself put in the position of needing to forgive someone there are many more reasons to find a way to do that rather than to hold onto it. I say “put in the position” because that’s what the offending person has done to you. Whatever their actions were that has caused you pain, you didn’t ask for it or bring it upon yourself, and realizing that fact is usually what makes us feel anger or hostility. That anger can turn into anything from harsh words to making yourself ill, literally. You can find yourself becoming somewhat obsessed with all of that anger, allowing it to rule your daily life… your thoughts, activities, family time, sleep, appetite, health, other relationships…the list goes on & on. So for those reasons and many more, forgiveness is very important.
“Forgiveness is to set a prisoner free, and to realize that prisoner was you”
 {I love that quote} another quote I heard about forgiveness that I liked so well I wrote it down and put it on my refrigerator months ago…
“Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past could have been any different”
You have to find a way of letting go, and using your logical side over your emotional one is sometimes a huge help in doing that. That’s why those two quotes have helped me in forgiving. Just like reading the scripture, it’s true and logical J
How do you know if you’ve really forgiven?
A sign that you really have forgiven someone for something is when you can look back on “it” and recognize it as an experience that you’ve moved on from and learned from without feeling lingering anger or pain.
I also think it’s also important to know there is a difference in Forgiving and Forgetting. You don’t have to Forget in order to be able to Forgive.
When you’ve been wronged or hurt I don’t believe you ever forget. Whatever was done to you made enough of an impact to place a marker in your mind and on your heart for always, but it’s what you do with the memory that makes a difference.
I choose to use my old wounds as learning experiences,
“never agains”. By doing this I accomplish several things. I move forward, I don’t remain stuck in the muck of what someone else has caused, so in turn I’m finding pleasure in what life has to offer and loving every moment of it. I also don’t let those same things happen to me over & over. Whatever it was that caused me pain & hurt was not my fault so I use the memory as a reference, this allows me to keep it from ever happening to me again.
Letting go of things allows joy & peacefulness to enter your life… clinging to the pain & anger blocks out those good things and holds in stress and destruction.
Forgiveness is not easy. Sometimes it will be one of life’s hardest tasks, but I’m here to tell you it’s possible. Like any other goal, if you set your heart & mind to it then you can do it.